You Are Worthy!

Today, October 1, is my birthday. As of today, I have completed 54 trips around the sun on this beautiful planet called Earth. Each year as my birthday approaches, especially the past few, I find myself engaging in deep introspection and reflection about what has past and about what is to come.

I know that every day, in fact, every moment of every day is an opportunity to let go of that which no longer serves and to make new choices; still, for me there is something different about a birthday. As January 1 is often a time for us to make New Year’s resolutions and commit to making more life-enriching choices for the year ahead, so a birthday marks the end of one year in our lives and can be the beginning of a brand new chapter, if we allow it to be.

For much of my life, I lived from what I now know is a false belief that I am not worthy of love and belonging. I received that message very early in life from the belief system (B.S.) of the traditional Christian denomination of my youth. From their perspective, I was, as are all people, born in sin, therefore unworthy of Jesus’ “sacrifice”. Additionally, because from their perspective I chose to live a “gay lifestyle” I was told that I most certainly did not belong to the family of God, at least not to the family of God that happened to gather in that particular church. I am not suggesting that the church is solely responsible for my shame and belief in unworthiness, but the doctrine of the church and its long-standing and far-reaching influence on our culture has substantially contributed to it.

This is not intended to be an indictment of traditional Christianity, nor is it a “poor me” tirade, but a sharing of my recognition of how I allowed the deeply ingrained beliefs of my childhood to so powerfully affect the way I lived much of my life. Rather than allowing myself to be vulnerable and live wholeheartedly, I spent way too much time and energy hiding, avoiding and numbing. I believed it was not safe to be authentically me, so I tried to be whoever I thought I needed to be in order to be considered by others worthy of love and belonging. I mastered the art of fitting in, but sacrificed myself in the process.

I am thankful to now be in Unity, a spiritual movement that teaches us that we are worthy of love and belonging. We are worthy of love because we are the very nature of Love expressing in the world. We are worthy of belonging because, as Unity minister and author Eric Butterworth says, we exist as an “eachness” within the “Allness” that is God. I am inspired by our Youth and Family Ministry staff and volunteers at Unity Church of Denver who reinforce that message in every interaction with our youth. Our young people are encouraged to know their worth and to be authentically who they are in the world.

There have been many touchstones along my journey that have contributed to my spiritual understanding and evolution. I consider discovering Unity one of the most influential and momentous. Since walking into Unity Church of Dallas for the first time almost 20 years ago to the day, and hearing the words, “You are as God created you” from the minister, I have, one day at time, come to embrace and love myself more. I have learned spiritual practices that have contributed to me living life more wholeheartedly. And, I am still learning and evolving. As Unity cofounder Charles Fillmore said when he was in his 90s, “We grow old because we think old thoughts…I’m getting rid of those thoughts, gradually.” I, too, am releasing those limiting thoughts and beliefs, gradually. In addition to the Fillmores, there have been and continue to be many guides along the way. One of those guides is author and research professor at Houston Graduate College of Social Work, Brené Brown Ph.D.

I do not believe in coincidences, so I hold that it is no accident that Dr. Brené Brown’s book, The Gifts of Imperfection, reappeared in my awareness just as I was about to celebrate another birthday. Her book reminds me that I am here, as we all are, in this life to live wholeheartedly, and that living wholeheartedly requires me to practice vulnerability and authenticity.

As Dr. Brown states, “I think we should be born with a warning label similar to the ones that come on cigarette packages: Caution: If you trade in your authenticity for safety, you may experience the following: anxiety, depression, eating disorders, addiction, rage, blame, resentment and inexplicable grief.” Wouldn’t it be great if we all learned that truth early in life, rather than some of the things that we do learn? It would certainly have saved me a great deal of suffering.

The Gifts of Imperfection has given me renewed hope that it is never too late to unlearn limiting myths, messages and beliefs, embrace our worthiness, and own our birthrights of love and belonging. Calling upon her years of research and hundreds of interviews, Dr. Brown assures us that we can live wholehearted lives. Further, she offers practices that will assist us in realizing this potential. No, it does not happen “automagically;” we have to be willing to do things differently in order to realize change.

Today is my birthday, and I am choosing for it to be a new beginning. I am choosing to allow today to be the day of a renewed awakening, an enthusiastic awakening to the possibility and potential for living life wholeheartedly. I am choosing to consciously cultivate my sense of worthiness through practicing courage, compassion and connection, embracing and loving myself just as I am, and sharing myself authentically with the world. I invite you to join me. There is no need to wait for the day on your birth certificate or for January 1. Let today be the day you decide to make the commitment to living and loving wholeheartedly. You are worthy!