Identity Matters

Several years ago, I don’t recall exactly when, following a Sunday service as I was greeting people at the exit doors, I man came up to me and said, “identity matters.” I do not remember what my lesson was that day. I can only surmise that I had spoken about our spiritual identity and stressed that knowing who we are as individuated expressions of the Divine should be our only focus. That sounds like something I would say. While I have no recollection of what I said, what he said has stuck with me all this time.

I do remember that my first reaction to hearing those words was to defend myself. We did not engage in further dialogue, but in my head I told myself that he just did not understand what I was trying to convey. I assumed that if he had, he would have agreed with me. It was, of course, important for me to be right (smile). I have reflected on his words from time to time over the years attempting to understand what he meant. Recently, his words rang in my mind once again.

I do not know this man, so I am unable to ask him what he meant. Perhaps that is good, because I have had the opportunity to ponder and discern what “identity matters” means to me.

A group of us from Unity Spiritual Center Denver have been reading and discussing the book, Waking Up White: And Finding Myself in the Story of Race, by Debby Irving. In her book, Irving shares her personal stories about learning what it means to be White in America, something that many of us who identify as White have never taken the time or effort to consider. Because we have not had to.

Most of us White people have had the privilege of living unaware of the advantages we have enjoyed simply because we are White. Further, we have lived in blissful ignorance of the extent of institutionalized systemic racism that pervades our culture. It is not our fault. There is no need for us to feel guilty or ashamed. We simply have not known. Awareness is key to awakening and responding.

I admit that until recent events brought home so unequivocally the extent to which racism is enshrined in our American way of life, I only gave it an occasional fleeting thought. After all, I never considered myself to be racist. I told myself, “I’m a good person. I treat everyone the same. I don’t participate in racist actions or speech.”  Little did I know! Again, I am not piling guilt or shame on myself or anyone else. I am simply stating that I was unaware of my unintentional and unconscious racism. After reading this book, as well as various articles, and watching videos and movies, I am more aware.

In a recent conversation with a member of our community who is of non-European descent, I was compassionately and lovingly made aware that some things I stated in a recent email were in fact unintentionally and unconsciously racist. Of the several things that I learned in that conversation, the one that hit me the hardest was that in my mind I had placed all people of color into one homogeneous group by making assumptions that they would all have the same perspective on certain words, phrases, comments from others, or other interactions.

It was certainly not my intention to be, but what I said was indeed inherently racist. I was able to hear that, take it in and learn from it. I deeply appreciate the opportunity to have this authentic connection with one of our members. Having these kinds of connecting conversations with the intention to understand and learn without shaming or blaming is an example of truly living our mission and being who we claim to be as loving, inclusive, and transformational people.

That’s when it hit me – “Identity Matters.” While each of us is an individuated expression of the One, each of us is unique. We are not defined by our life experiences, yet our humanity is shaped and formed by them. No one’s life experience is the same as anyone else’s. We may have similar backgrounds, but we are not the same. We may share common beliefs, but we came to them by different paths. We may be of the same race, but we are diverse. We are individuals with our own perspectives, gifts, talents, stories, beliefs, opinions and responses to life.

Identity matters because we are unique and diverse individuals, and I am reminded of the importance of honoring our uniqueness and diversity as well as our unity within Oneness. I celebrate my renewed appreciation for this truth. I have made a commitment to myself to keep it at the forefront of my consciousness.

Seeing each other and taking the time and effort to know each other as individuals will go a long way toward bridging the chasm that we allow to divide us, not only along the lines of race, but also politics, gender, gender identity, sexual orientation, religion, nationality, and all the things that make us uniquely who we are.

May we all remember – Identity Matters!