Be You

This past Saturday, I attended a presentation by internationally acclaimed speaker and intuitive medium, Lee Harris, which was hosted at Unity Spiritual Center Denver. I had not met Lee previously, nor did I know a great deal about his work. Prior to scheduling the event, I perused his website and read some of the endorsements, so I felt comfortable hosting him. However, I had no idea what his two-hour presentation would involve. What I experienced was most likely nothing that Lee could have anticipated. It was certainly nothing that I expected.

Let me say first that I had the opportunity to meet Lee on Friday when he came with his agent to see the space and discuss how they would set up for livestreaming. I experienced him as warm, open and sincere. After having attended the event on Saturday, I genuinely trust his integrity and commitment to helping people through his acceptance, development and sharing of his intuitive gifts. I recommend his book, Energy Speaks, and his other offerings through his website – LeeHarrisEnergy.com – and workshops. I told him and his agent at the close of the evening that we would gladly host him again when it works in Lee’s schedule.

Lee began the evening by sharing his personal journey. He was a sensitive child who was connected to the energy of people and things around him. He felt as though he didn’t belong, which he coped with by eating which resulted in being overweight and being taken to Weight Watchers at a young age. He said that music saved his life in his teens and early twenties. He tried to break into the music business as a singer, but it didn’t work out. He still sings and records his music. He told us about his later thirst for knowledge and experience with self-help books and teachers. He talked about his first awareness of hearing his guides, which he refers to as the Zs. He shared openly about his initial resistance to channeling and his fear of working with people individually. He laughed about how coming out as a channel was as scary as coming out as a gay man. He spoke about how saying ‘yes’ to offers and invitations to speak, teach and lead workshops over the years led him to be where he is today as a renowned speaker,  transformation leader, intuitive medium, and a musical and visual artist.

Unfortunately, I’m not sure that I connected with much that he said following his introduction. I was struck by his story. Much of what he experienced, I also experienced. I was sensitive, overweight, and felt as though I didn’t belong. Music was a saving grace in my life and still is. I read all the self-help and spiritual motivational books I could find. I often still do. I attended as many workshops and retreats as I could manage and afford. He could have been telling my story – except for the part about saying ‘yes’ to the invitations to practice his intuitive gifts and share them with others. I made other choices, some of them involved saying ‘no’ to offers to share.

This is where my lesson began on Saturday. My mind immediately went into coulda-shoulda-woulda mode. I shared about this pattern in my post from March 28. It went something like this…”I coulda been where Lee is now. He is famous and making big money doing this. I shoulda said ‘yes’ to the opportunities I had back then. I woulda been more successful…happier…more fulfilled…whatever.” My small self was free-wheeling. And, I went along for the ride. I was telling myself the story that I had let opportunity pass me by. That I have not fully accepted and used my gifts and talents. That I have failed in some way to fulfill my mission and my calling. I fell into a deep hole of regret. And, I am reluctant to admit that I stayed there for the better part of three days. It’s no coincidence that the number ‘3’ metaphysically represents every level of being – mind, spirit and body. I needed to integrate my lesson on all three levels.

With the help of my prayer partner, Rev. Karen Romestan, and my life coach, Deborah Jane Wells, I was able to remember that the story I was telling as I compared myself to Lee Harris is just that – a story. I cannot know what woulda happened if I had made different choices. I was terrorizing myself with the story I was telling and causing myself to feel fear, stress and regret. I realized that I was telling myself that I am not living up to my calling or my mission, at least not to the extent that Lee is. As I said, my small self was free-wheeling! With help, I was able to come back to sanity and recognize that I am fulfilling my calling to the best of my ability in every moment. I may not be as famous or wealthy as Lee, but that is not truly my deepest desire.

Karen and Deborah also helped me to remember that I am not here to be Lee Harris or anyone other than me. All I have to do is be the best David Howard I can manage to be right here and now. My spirit is, as is everyone’s, a unique and wonderful expression of the One. Each of us is here to embrace who we are and to share it with the world. My mission is to be true to me. Lee’s is to be true to his.  Yours is to be true to yours.

Finally, Deborah also helped me to see that being true to me might just be simpler than I think. It is not particularly helpful to review past decisions and judge ourselves based on the coulda-woulda-shoulda method. There may be things we can learn from our past choices, but judging ourselves for making them is not beneficial. The question to ask is not, “Why I did, or why I didn’t?” The question to ask is “What now?” What decision do I make today that is in alignment with my true nature and who I have come here to be?

The answer to those questions rests within. It requires me to be still, center my attention and awareness in my heart and embrace the knowing of my spirit that abides there. Trust the wisdom of the spirit and know that I have everything I need to fulfill what I am called to do. Also, know that I have the will and the strength to stay the course and live my mission one-choice-at-a-time. I have faith that when we follow the leading of our hearts, we are lead to the highest and best unfolding of who we are in Truth.

I am not Lee Harris. The world doesn’t need another Lee Harris. I am David Howard. The world needs me to be the best David Howard I can be. The same is true for each of us. The world needs us to be who we are and to give of who we are. I encourage us all to embrace our own unique expression of the One, own our gifts without apology, and let that light shine. Just be you. That is enough.