Coulda-Shoulda-Woulda

If you have been following my posts for the past few weeks, you know that earlier in the month my body experienced illness. I was, for all intents and purposes, down and out for the better part of two weeks. During that time, I mostly rested to allow my body time and energy to do the miraculous work of repairing itself.

Over the past couple of weeks, I have been regaining my energy and slowly resuming my usual daily activities including exercise. As I resumed my exercise program, I was surprised by how quickly I tired, especially when riding the stationary bicycle or doing other cardiovascular workouts. Realizing that my body had been through a challenge, rather than push it, I decided to give myself permission to take it slowly and only do what was comfortable. I chose to be kind to myself and treat my body with loving attention.

Prior to the illness, I was able to easily complete at least an hour of steady exercise. When I began to resume my program, I was only able to comfortably complete twenty minutes maximum. Although I am not yet back to my pre-illness level, I continue to gain stamina.

Even though I am making conscious choices to love myself, I still have opportunities every day to remind myself that it is okay to be right where I am. I may not yet be where I want to be, but each day brings me closer to my goal of renewed strength and vitality.

This experience has brought new awareness to other areas of my life in which I don’t always treat myself with this level of self-compassion, patience and understanding. Unfortunately, it is all too easy for me to fall into a pattern of “coulda-shoulda-woulda.” You may be familiar with it. It goes something like this…“I coulda done more.” “I shoulda planned better.” “I woulda made better decisions if…”

Using the example of my physical strength and stamina, it might sound like… “I coulda tried harder when I was at the gym before my illness so my body woulda been stronger.” “I shoulda gone to the gym every day.” “I woulda gone to the gym more often if I wasn’t so lazy.”

It is a powerful reminder of how destructive this sort of self-talk can be. No matter where we are in our lives, what situations we face or circumstances we are dealing with, it is never helpful to blame, shame or verbally or mentally berate ourselves.

When we are faced with a life situation or situations that we do not enjoy and would like to see change, it is essential that we do not engage in “coulda-shoulda-woulda.” That mindset cannot and will never lead to the kind of change we desire. It is based in fear, not love, and will only continue the cycle of fear-based thoughts, feelings and actions which can only produce the effects that reflect the same. “Coulda-shoulda-woulda” places us in the role of a victim – a victim of our past – and keeps us stuck.

Rather than remaining stuck in the past, it is essential that we do our best to bring our awareness into the present and to move forward from there. I offer some suggestions from my personal experience.

Breathe

Take a deep conscious breath. Bring your attention to every aspect of the breath. Breathe in through your nose and notice the slight flaring of your nostrils as you breathe in. Feel the temperature of the air as it enters your nasal passages. Follow the air as it flows into your lungs. Notice your abdomen expanding and your chest rising gently with the in-breath. Feel the air filling your lungs. When you feel full, inhale just a little more until you can take in no more air. Stop. Allow yourself to be completely aware of being filled with air. Now, consciously slowly exhale. Engage the diaphragm which rests beneath the lungs and gently expel the air through your nose. Again, notice the flow of the breath. Sense the temperature of the air as it exits your nostrils. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

Sense

Consciously attune to your physical senses. Wherever you are, look around. Pay attention to the light that is reflected from the objects, animate and inanimate, in the space where you are. Take in the colors, textures and shapes.

Tune in to sound. Try not to label the sounds, just let them be waves of energy that your ears receive. Be present for the sounds. Listen for the silence between the waves of sound.

Feel the clothing as it touches your body. Notice whatever is supporting your body, whether a chair, cushion, floor or other. Sense the energy of the sentient beings in your space. Tune into the energy of any other life forms around you.

Awareness

Pay attention to the thoughts that are arising in your mind. There is no need to understand them, just notice that thoughts are constantly arising in your mind. Allow them to be there without any attachment or resistance. Just notice.

You are awareness. You have dominion over what you are consciously aware of. You, and only you, have control of the thoughts you attach to and identify with. You have the power of choice in every moment, and you exercise that power whether consciously or unconsciously.

Now

Now is the only moment that exists. Only now can you think. Only now can you breathe. Only now can you feel. Only now can you know. Only now can you have a sensory experience. Only now can you choose. Only now can you be consciously aware of now. Focus all your attention in the present moment where “coulda-shoulda-woulda” has no meaning.

Allow

Allow everything that is to be exactly as it is. Allowing releases the concept that there is anything that, or anyone who is, unacceptable. This does not require that you resign yourself to the present condition or circumstance. Allowing is the choice to be at peace with what is and to extend love to self and others. It also creates a quiet, calm, open mind ready to receive inspiration and expansion.

Rest

Stop trying to change the external. Rest in the awareness that all is well. In this moment, right where you are, nothing is missing. This moment is complete in itself, as are you.

Listen/See/Know

Open your inner senses, your spiritual senses, to hear, see and know beyond the concepts of time, space and form. You are eternally one in the Infinite Knowing of the One. Set an intention to know that that which you are seeking you are seeking with, that which you are listening for you are listening with, and that which you seek to know is the Knower knowing Itself as you.

Follow

In this space of abiding conscious awareness know that you receive guidance and inspiration. Trust what you receive. Take the inspired action. Have faith that each step you take brings you closer to the fulfillment of the change you desire.

Mindful

Take time every day, even if just a few minutes, to check-in with yourself. Notice if you are falling into any “coulda-shoulda-woulda” thoughts. Do yourself a favor. Stop! Revisit the steps above. Reset. Move from fear to love. Align your being with the love you already are.

Joy

Enjoy the journey.