I AM Innocence

This past Sunday, I shared that earlier in the week I found myself caught up in a whirlwind of emotion.  I was feeling angry, sad and scared.  I was telling myself that I was being misunderstood, wrongly accused, and that I was not being seen for my intentions and for who I truly strive to be in the world. 

From my perspective there were those who were, in effect, attacking me; therefore I believed I had to defend myself.  My defense showed up as a great deal of mental blaming, justifying, name calling, and judging of those I believed to be the perpetrators of this injustice.

By the time I became consciously aware of what was going on inside my head, I had been in this state for several days.  When I was finally able and willing to take a step back and observe myself, I was woefully amazed at the toll this experience had taken on my emotional and mental well-being.

As often occurs for me, I had an epiphany one morning in the shower.  Suddenly, I was reminded of a quote from A Course in Miracles which says, “In my defenselessness my innocence lies.” 

The question then arose in my mind, “What is the innocence that lies in my defenselessness?”  The answer was revealed by the still, small voice at the center of my being.  My innocence is that which needs no defense because it is that which cannot be threatened or harmed.  My innocence is my natural state of being.  It is the Truth of me; an eternal, changeless expression of God.  My innocence is who and what I truly am.

Naturally, my next question was, “So, if my innocence lies in my defenselessness, then what lies in my defensiveness?”  Surprising, the answer came; my sin.  Charles Fillmore in The Revealing Word defines ‘sin’ as “error thought.”  The original “sin” or error thought is the belief that I can be separate from God.  I realized that I was defending a sense of self that I created in response to my belief in separation and my attachment to the world and the beliefs and opinions therein. 

I recognized that I was defending a concept of self based on what I have defined as my reputation, my authority, my position, and my assumed identity as a “nice guy”; all of which is based upon a false sense of self derived from a belief about how others should value and appreciate me.  It is only that which I am not that can seem to be threatened, thus requiring defense.

When I believe that I can be separate from God, I also must believe that I can be separate from others.  In my “sin,” I create separation and the possibility for guilt, blame, attack and defense, none of which exists in God Mind. 

Fortunately, I learned in the Baptist church that my sin can be washed away through my faith in Christ.  From a Unity perspective, that means that my “sin” is washed away by the recognition of the Christ I Am as my only abiding reality.  That which I Am is real, and as A Course in Miracles says, “Nothing real can be threatened and nothing unreal exists.”  As I am released from my error-thinking by the acceptance of my true nature, my awareness of my innocence is restored and I am set free.

In my innocence, I know there is only one, the one that I Am, thus there is nothing and no one to defend, and no one to defend against.  In that awareness, I am able to embrace myself and everyone with empathy, love and compassion. 

It only takes one, in Oneness, to end the insidious cycle of defensiveness.  Let me be the one to lead the way.