My Story

This week, I will complete my series, The Twelve Steps of Transformation, which I have based on The Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. As I have said repeatedly during this series, I believe that these steps offer all of us practical tools for spiritual awakening and personal transformation.

As I began pondering the twelfth step, which says, “Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry our message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs,” I questioned, “What really is a “spiritual awakening” and how do we live into and from that?”

I meditated on these questions and began to capture some ideas in writing, and while I was inspired by some of the ideas, they did not appear to be congealing into a coherent post. So, I decided to let it go and move on to something else. That “something else” was to review my application and supporting credo papers for Unity ordination in preparation for my licensing and ordination interview which took place on Tuesday afternoon, July 26, 2016.

As I reviewed one paper in particular, I realized that, in many ways, it captured a personal process of spiritual awakening for me. So, I wanted to share it with you to let you know more about me and my awakening process. I want to be clear that I believe spiritual awakening, making the truth of our divine spiritual nature conscious, is a continual life-long process, and that periods of awakening as well as instantaneous awakenings occur for each of us when we are open and ready. As the Buddha said, “When the student is ready, the teacher appears.”

My Story

I was born deep in the Bible belt in the small town of Washington, Georgia. I lived the first twenty-one years of my life in a culture steeped in traditional Christianity. While my parents were not particularly religious and did not attend church regularly, they too were pretty well indoctrinated in the fundamentals of the Baptist and Presbyterian creeds. Although she did not attend every Sunday, my mother believed that my sister and I needed to have a strong foundation in the church, so she would often take us to church and come pick us up after. I suppose it worked to some extent because the first time I accepted Jesus as my personal savior I was ten years old. I don’t recall fully understanding what it meant that Jesus died on the cross for my sins. In fact, I wasn’t really sure what my sins were. However, it seemed to be the thing to do at the time, so I did. It occurred during a visit from the preacher to our house. I accepted Jesus, the minister prayed over me, and I ran back outside to play. It was not a life transforming experience; at least not from my perspective. I guess the first time didn’t take because I was “saved” again at age fourteen.

Of course, I was taught in Sunday school, church services and classes that Jesus was the one and only son of God who was sent to Earth to be sacrificed as atonement for the sins of humanity. Further, that if I accepted him as my personal savior that I would be saved from spending eternity in hell after death. I was taught that believing that Jesus died on the cross and that he rose from the dead was my only hope of salvation. The church had me convinced that I was sinful just because I was a human being born of “original sin” and that Jesus was my only hope of going to heaven when I died. If nothing else, I was scared into being “born again.”

When I realized that I am homosexual, I thought I was doomed. It was, according to the church, one of the greatest sins of all. I believed that I could not be gay and still be loved by God. Not only was that well established by their interpretation of the Bible and emphatically expressed from the pulpit, there were also church members who made that abundantly clear. At nineteen I walked away from the church and from any conscious spiritual path.

In my late 20’s a friend introduced me to A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson and Out on a Limb by Shirley MacLaine. I was a bit reluctant to even read the books at first. Based on my past belief system, I thought that maybe they were works of the devil and they were his attempts to get me in his grip. However, I persisted. Both of these books began to change my life. They opened up new vistas for my mind to explore. I had never before thought of spirituality as something that might not require religious belief. I began reading A Course in Miracles, and while I am not an avid student I appreciate the teaching and most especially some of the lessons. I often refer to it when in need of some practical tools. About the same time, I friend introduced me to a “light work” and meditation program called Aquarian Practitioners of Light Energy. The lessons were channeled messages from Archangels and included working with the physical body and soul body chakras. Through this work, I became aware of the work of Alice Bailey. In addition, I read The Aquarian Gospel of Jesus Christ by Levi which also opened my eyes to alternative ways of understanding the life of Jesus. It was a fascinating three-year journey. Along the way, I became aware of the teaching of Abraham and the Law of Attraction. I attended one of their weekend programs in Dallas in the mid-1990’s and followed them for years by receiving recordings of sessions which I would listen to constantly.

Upon entering a 12 Step recovery program at age 34, I began my earnest search for a God of my understanding to whom I was willing to turn over my will and my life. It was that search that led me to walk into a Unity church for the first time. There, I found a God of acceptance, forgiveness and openness. As I began to attend church regularly and take classes, I learned more about this God, and was soon willing and ready to surrender. God was no longer a man somewhere up in the sky who was constantly looking down, keeping a record of all the things I did wrong and planning his punishment. This God was not about judgment and retribution. Rather, this God was Love.

I have struggled at times with the use of the word ‘God’ because of all of the energy around the word, not only mine, but also the energy that has amassed over millennia. When I say ‘God’ I am not referring to a being or beings. I am, instead, to the best of my ability, giving voice to that which is ineffable. I believe H. Emilie Cady stated it clearly in her book, Lessons in Truth, “God is the name we give to that unchangeable, inexorable principle at the source of all existence.” God is. God is “no thing,” yet is All. God is the Essence of all that is real. As Unity cofounder, Charles Fillmore stated, “God is the eternal verity of the universe and humankind.”

It took me some time to become comfortable talking about Jesus as well. I wanted nothing to do with the concepts of him that I was taught in the Baptist church. I felt such relief when I began to study Unity teaching and learned that Jesus was a man, similar in many ways to me. Yes, he was one who fully realized his Christ nature, thus as Charles Fillmore stated not exactly like me. He was known as Jesus Christ because he attained that level of consciousness, much in the same way as one in the Hindu tradition who is revered as holy is referred to as “Shri” or “Shri Shri” depending upon their level of enlightenment. When I learned that ‘Christ’ is not a designation reserved only for Jesus and that it is a potential and possibility for all of us, I was not only shocked but delighted and inspired. As Unity cofounder Charles Fillmore stated, “Christ is the only begotten Son of God or the one complete idea of perfect man in Divine Mind.”¹ ‘Christ’ is an Ideal in the Mind of God that expresses as each of us and that we may align with in our consciousness, as Jesus did. In that way, we too can and will be Christ embodied. I now believe that our greatest desire, whether conscious nor not, is to know ourselves in our divinity as the ‘Christ’ expressing, and to live it to the best our ability.

I know now that it is not through the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross that I am “saved” from my sin. I am “saved” and “born again” in each moment that I “repent” or turn away from my negative thinking and choose to align my thinking with a higher understanding of truth. Yes, we all “sin and fall short of the glory of God,”² as Paul said, but our “sin” is “missing the mark or falling short of our divine perfection”¹ which most of us do daily. It is by the power of my freewill choice that I can focus my mind, thus change my consciousness, so that I save myself from the “hell” of my own making and restore myself to “heaven” as I fill and expand my mind with thoughts that are in alignment with my true nature – Christ. So, in the light of new understanding, I can joyously proclaim that I am saved from “hell” through Christ and my reward is the state of “heaven” in my own awareness. I can choose heaven today.

I believe that the teachings of Jesus as we are given them in the Bible form the true foundation for empowered and abundant living. Primary to his teaching is the well-known and often quoted, “Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things will be added unto you.”³ First, the Kingdom of God exists in consciousness. Jesus was not saying that we should seek to find an Earthly kingdom, but instead to look within and see that the Kingdom of God is “within you” or “at hand.”⁴ He was not referring only to the demonstration of material good, as that was never his primary focus. Jesus was, most often, teaching from Christ consciousness and encouraging his disciples and followers, including us today, to make attaining Christ consciousness their primary goal. As he said, our needs are already known and will be provided. There is no need to struggle and strain, just open and allow.

As we teach in Unity, prayer and meditation are spiritual practices that help us to align our minds in the Kingdom of God consciousness. Jesus said don’t worry about the material things. We teach the same in our practice of Affirmative Prayer. We remove our focus from the condition or circumstance and instead focus on the Truth of God expressing in and through the apparent condition. As Unity minister and author Eric Butterworth said, “The purpose of prayer is not to set things right, but so see things rightly.”⁵

We follow Jesus’ teaching and “seek the kingdom” through prayer. However, this is just the first step. He also said to seek “his righteousness.” This means that we are to think, speak and act in ways that are in alignment with the Kingdom of God consciousness we have attained in prayer. Jesus instructs us that in order to live an abundant life, we must not only know the Truth in consciousness, but we must keep our thinking in line with Truth, we must speak words of Truth and discontinue speaking about or complaining about the situation, and we do things that support us in demonstrating the Truth. This Jesus teaching is one of the foundational Scriptures that supports the spiritual practices of denials and affirmations. From Christ consciousness, Jesus said, “I come that you might have life and have it more abundantly.” The ‘I’ is the Christ. When the Christ comes into fullness in our consciousness and we embrace the righteousness of thinking, speaking and acting, we will demonstrate that abundance. Charles Fillmore said,

“Think prosperity, talk prosperity, not in general but in specific terms, not as something for the other fellow but as your very own right. Deny every appearance of failure. Stand by your guns and affirm supply, support, and success in the very face of question and doubt, then give thanks for plenty in all your affairs, knowing for a certainty that your good is now being fulfilled in Spirit, in mind, and in manifestation.”⁶

If someone had told me even ten years ago that I would be reading the Bible and quoting verses in my lessons and in my blog post, I would have laughed in his face. In my early church experience, the Bible was used as a weapon. Scriptures were interpreted and used to condemn me and to teach me about a God who would punish me just for being me. For many years, I would not open a Bible. I am extremely grateful to the classes I have had through Unity Institute where I learned about metaphysical and maieutic ways of interpreting Scripture. The Bible has come alive for me in ways that I would never have imagined possible. I refer to Scripture nearly every Sunday, and in nearly every blog post.

With all that I have learned by studying Unity’s Truth principles, exploring the work of spiritual teachers such as Eckhart Tolle, Byron Katie, Mark Nepo and others, I realize that Truth is a personal experience. I believe that we all must discern for ourselves what is ultimately true for us and allow that to be our guidepost. I am committed to not being convinced that I, or we in Unity have the Truth, or that I know what is absolutely true. My intention is to stay open to the question and allow Truth to be revealed. I am also committed to living with the mystery of life. No matter how much I learn or think I know, there is always more. I know that my human intellect cannot comprehend all of the great mysteries of the universe. I do my best to be content with not having to know, and being secure in admitting that I don’t know.

The best I can do is establish a place within my own consciousness that provides me with a foundation upon which I choose to live my life. For me, it my connection with the God of my understanding. It is my personal spirituality which I get to define, as do we all. The basic tenets of my spirituality are:

(1)  Even though I cannot fully comprehend it, there is a Power and Presence that imbues all creation and in which we are all connected as one.

(2)  This Power and Presence is impersonal and benign, yet within it the principles of order, harmony, beauty, and unity are at work.

(3)  Love is the highest emanation of that Power and Presence. I, in my human form, am here to experience and express that Love.

It is my sincere desire to allow this to be the credo that guides my life. My aspiration is to live into and from it.

So, that is my story as submitted to the Licensing & Ordination team. I am pleased to report that at the end of my interview on Tuesday, they told me that they are recommending me for ordination. It will have to be approved by the Unity Worldwide Ministries credentialing team, but they assure me that the approval is a formality at this point. I am grateful to all who have supported me and continue to do so as I traverse the path of ministry.

Please join me this Sunday, July 31, as I complete my series, The Twelve Steps to Transformation, which can give us practical tools for your own spiritual awakening and personal transformation.

¹ The Revealing Word

² Romans 3:23

³ Matthew 6:33

⁴ Luke 17:21

⁵ The Universe is Calling by Eric Butterworth

⁶ Prosperity by Charles Fillmore