Self-Love In Action

In my post last week and in my lesson last Sunday, I spoke about the importance of loving ourselves. I am continuing to realize at a deeper level that it is impossible to truly extend love to another if we do not first love ourselves. Jesus said, “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:39). This commandment can be interpreted many ways. The most common understandings are that Jesus was instructing us to love each other in the same way that we love ourselves, or to love others as though they are us. Either requires us to look closely at how we are loving ourselves.

I am often frustrated when I hear admonitions such as “let it go,” “forgive” or “love yourself” taught as though we should be able to, as the Nike® slogan says, “Just Do It.” I have found that it is usually not that simple and that most of us require some guidance. While Jesus commands that we love ourselves, he offers little or no instruction on how we are to do that.

We can set the highest intention to love. We can fix our minds and hearts toward love. We can pray and meditate to align ourselves with God Mind from which all knowing, ultimate forgiveness and unconditional love emanate. All of those steps are valuable and necessary; however, we must not stop there.

In order to truly love ourselves, we must transform what for many of us have become habitual ways of thinking about, speaking to and treating ourselves. Yes, we must first align ourselves with Love through prayer, meditation and intention. Then, we must bring our newly awakened awareness of love into manifestation through our thoughts, words and actions.

As I looked for instruction on how to achieve self-love, I was reminded of the words of St. Paul from his letter to the church at Corinth. The passage from I Corinthians 13 is often used in wedding ceremonies as a lesson for the bride and groom on how to express love to each other. Paul intended it to be a teaching to the newly formed community of believers on how to practice love with each other. As I explored it further, however, I found that it also contains powerful lessons on self-love.

Paul says, –

Love is patient; love is kind;
love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude.
It does not insist on its own way;
it is not irritable or resentful; It does not insist on its own way;
it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth.It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things 

-       I Corinthians 13: 4-7 (NRSV)

What follows is my restatement of Paul’s teaching as it applies to a practice of self-love. 
I offer suggestions for practical application in order to assist us in adopting new ways of thinking about, speaking about and treating ourselves. My hope is that they will be helpful as we move forward together in a renewed commitment to loving ourselves.

Love is patient and kind.
Imagine that you are the most caring, kind and nurturing parent ever and that you are watching your child learn to walk. When he falls down, you comfort him and help him get up. You do not shame him for not knowing how to walk. You speak kindly and encouragingly to her. You don’t tell her that she is stupid and lazy and should be walking by now. How do you treat yourself in your ever-unfolding learning process?

We are all children of God who are growing and learning. We are exactly where we need to be in our own evolution. Are we willing to be as patient and kind with ourselves as we would be with a precious child who is learning to walk? When we fall down, how do we speak to ourselves? When we are hurt and crying what do we say to ourselves?

Make a list of things you would have loved for your parent to say to you. If you are a parent, make a list of the loving things you would say to your child who is growing and learning. Say them to yourself. Put them on post-it notes and put them on your mirror or in your car to remind you to be patient and kind to yourself.

Love honors and appreciates all aspects of self without comparing to others.
Each of us has unique gifts and talents. The Scripture from I Corinthians 13 above follows Paul’s discourse, found in chapter 12, on how each person has his own gifts to give and share with the community. He states that none is greater than another. Just as each member of the physical body is an integral part of the whole, so is each person in the “body of Christ.”

Make a list of your gifts and talents and honor them. If you find it challenging to make a list of your gifts, ask others in your life to help you. You do not do this in order to determine if your talents are better than someone else’s. It is not about comparing. Rather, it is about celebrating the gifts and talents you have to share with the world.

Love focuses on who I am and what I have, rather than judging what I think I am not, or what I don’t have.
Make a list of the qualities you appreciate about yourself. If you have a difficult time making the list, think of people you admire and delineate the qualities you admire in them. It is a good possibility that, as they say in 12-Steps, “If you spot it, you got it.” In other words, if you can see it in others, it is because you see it in yourself, even if you have not yet fully embraced and embodied it. Look at the list, take it in. Perhaps there are qualities that you want to focus on more. If so, circle them. Ask yourself, “How can I more fully express this quality?” Do what you are inspired to do as you listen for and hear the answer.

Love respects what is true for me, but does not have to prove itself right in the eyes of others.
What you value is important to you. How you live that value is your choice. Respect that for yourself. Stand strong in it, with centered confidence (some might call it “humility”). But, do not insist that others live the values in the same way. Everyone is at choice. Make a list of your core values, celebrate them, and write down some actions you can take to live those values in ways that are meaningful to you. Live them through your thoughts, words, and actions.

Love is generous with time, attention, care and nurture.
Give yourself the care you need. Take time for yourself. Do what makes you feel good. Give yourself a gift, take a bubble bath, or go to a movie. Make a list of the things you can do to nurture yourself. Commit to do at least one of them a week, preferably one a day. If you have a spouse, partner or significant other, make a list of the things he or she can do to nurture and support you. Ask for what you need and want. The act of asking for what you need is a big step toward self-love and acceptance.

Love concentrates on achievements, successes and contributions, not on perceived mistakes, regrets or failures.
Do not spend time and energy focusing on your perceived shortcomings or failures. Take some time to look back over your life and note how far you have come on your journey. Make a timeline and mark the major events of your life. Consider what each of them has taught you. What have you learned along your evolutionary path? Congratulate yourself for all you have accomplished. We all do and say things that we later wish we hadn’t. If you need to make amends, do it, and move on. Think of all the lives you have touched. You probably don’t even know how many people you have affected in positive ways. Make a list of all the ways you have contributed to others. If you find that a difficult task, ask your friends and family to help you. Ask them to share with you how you have made a difference in their lives. Celebrate it!

Love looks for the good, expects the best, believes in the possibilities, and perseveres in challenging times.
Look for the Good, with a capital ‘G’. Look for the God in yourself. Look, choose to see it, and you will find it. Ask, and it is given without reservation. Knock and the door to your awareness is opened. It is through the power of our intention that we align our hearts and minds with what we choose to know. Hold the intention for knowing yourself as the Divine - Perfect Life in expression and choose to see nothing less.

To expect the best means to exercise the power of faith, which is our capacity to see the Good through whatever is currently manifesting. Faith enables us to know a deeper truth and hold the vision for demonstrating our Truth. Exercise your power of faith to connect with a dream or vision, even if you can’t see it yet in the physical. Use the power of imagination to see it complete in the spiritual realm. Make a list of action steps you can take to bring it into manifestation. Take action.

Believe that in the consciousness of God, all Good, that all things are possible. Rely on the “Power Within” as Unity minister and author Eric Butterworth called it. With the awareness of God expressing as you, all things are possible. You have all you need within you. Go back to the lists you have made and see your true self.

Love puts into action the steps outlined above and perseveres during the challenging times. We all get off track from time to time. We all lose our footing and fall down. We all get confused and frustrated at times. Use your “Lifelines.” Call a friend or a prayer chaplain. Read something uplifting and inspirational. Do something to nurture yourself even when you think you don’t deserve it. Add to your gratitude list or just read it. Do something for others.

It is well and good to generate a feeling of love in your heart and immerse yourself in it, but it is not enough. Loving yourself requires action. I encourage each of us to do something each day that expresses self-love. As our capacity and willingness to love ourselves increases, so does our ability and readiness to love others.

Please join us at 10:00 on Sunday for our service. I will continue the focus on self-love and compassion with a lesson on self-forgiveness.