Life Moves Me

I recently finished reading The Surrender Experiment, the most recent book by Michael A. Singer, bestselling author of The Untethered Soul. The book recounts many of the events in his life and tells of how through his experiences he learned to trust Life to lead him. He shares his journey of realizing that he is always moved in the direction of his highest good when he surrenders to the flow of Life, even when it seems, at times, that things can’t possibly work out.

It is a fascinating story of how his life unfolded in delightful and surprising ways when he was willing to let go of his judgments and resistance, and instead learn to be present for and respond to what was happening in the moment. I highly recommend this book. It inspired me to reflect on my life journey. In doing so, I have come to a greater recognition and appreciation of how my life has unfolded in ways that I could not possibly have engineered. 

What follows are some of the steps along my journey and my reflections on how Life seemed to be moving me toward my own “surrender experiment” as it relates to ministry.

At age 14, during a Baptist summer camp, I “gave my life to the Lord,” and knew that ministry was my “calling.”  I assumed it was the music ministry, and that I would be minister of music in a Baptist church at some point in my future.  That assumption changed at age 18 when it became quite clear to me that I was not accepted by the institution of the Southern Baptist Church. For many years thereafter I did not entertain the thought of ministry. I cannot honestly say that the thought did not arise during those years. When it did, I laughed it off, knowing that the ministry was not for me, and I entertained it no further.

It was some time later, in fact about 15 years later, that I was actually willing to entertain it again. Life showed up through a friend who introduced me to A Course in Miracles via Marianne Williamson’s book, A Return to Love, and also to Shirley MacLaine’s book, Out on a Limb. Just reading these books stimulated some fear for me. Coming from the Baptist tradition, I thought that the Devil might be tempting me through such heretical ideas. However, I was intrigued. These books gave me permission to question my long-held beliefs about a God of fear and retribution and open to greater possibilities. Still, ministry was just a thought that passed through my mind occasionally. At that point in my journey, I had other priorities, and ministry was not one of them. Besides, I was still not convinced that God was on my side.

It seemed that Life would have to work a little harder on me. Five years later, I realized that my life was not working, and I was in deep pain. I was in counseling, both individual and group. With the help of a loving counselor and a supportive group, I made the discovery that I was actively, yet unconsciously, engaged in addictive behaviors. I wanted to be free, so I made the second most important decision of my life. I entered a 12-Step Recovery program. 

It did not take me long to realize that I was not willing to move past Step 1. Step 2 involved making a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understood God. Even though I had “given my life to the Lord” many years before, I realized that I needed to revisit that decision. There was no way I was going to do that again. After all, it had not really proved to be a wise choice, or so I thought. The God of my understanding at that time was not one to whom I was willing to give my life. I figured Life would just have to give me another option.

Urged by the persistence of a caring sponsor, my search began. I embarked on a conscious journey to find a God of my understanding – one to whom I was willing to give control of my life. This journey lead me to Unity. Life came through, and at Unity Church of Dallas, I met my God. After several weeks of attending, on one memorable Sunday, I left the service crying. I sobbed all the way home. I knew that I had made it to Step 2. I was now willing to truly “give my life to the Lord” or in 12-Step speak, “turn my will and my life over to the care of God.” When I arrived home, I made the most important decision of my life. I knelt at the edge of my bed, and for the first time as an adult I truly “gave my life to the Lord.” I had made it to Step 3. Life had, indeed, lead me to my highest good.

I want to be clear that while I have described these steps as linear and sequential, they are not one-time events. While it took me several months to make it to Step 3 the first time, I know that I must repeat these steps on a daily basis in order to maintain my commitment and resolve to live my life in service to the God of my understanding.

For the next five years, I devoted myself to studying Unity, Science of Mind, and other New Thought teachings. At the age of 38, twenty-four years after my first experience of “giving my life to the Lord,” a dear friend told me about an organization she was working with and suggested I check into it. As it turned out, Life, showing up as my friend, was leading me toward ordination. I took definitive action and decided to seek ordination from this independent New Thought organization. I am not sure what my motivation was. I was not planning to enter church ministry, but it seemed to be the right thing to do at the time. Life was moving.

I continued my studies, mainly in Religious Science, for another year. In 2000, Life moved me in another direction. I had become close friends with the Associate Minister at the church I was then attending. He and I had also co-facilitated some workshops and classes. We often joked about starting our own church. As it turned out, our “joking” was no joke. When he decided to resign his position and start his own ministry, I joined him. In early 2000, The Center for Life Enrichment was born. I gave it my time, attention and love for the next six years. Even as I knew in the spring of 2006 that it was time to end that chapter of my life, I also knew at the depth of my being that it was not the end of ministry for me. I did not know what was next. 

During the next year, Life provided me the opportunity to write and publish a book, In This Moment – Prayers from the Well of Awareness. It is a collection of prayers that I wrote for the Sunday services at The Center for Life Enrichment. A friend, who had recently started her own company, urged me to publish them. Mine was the first book published by her company. I was also recording my CD, Spark, which was released in early 2007. I had no idea that Life was working through by book and CD to move me to the next phase of my journey.

As I was finishing the book and CD, I decided that I was going to become a minister with Centers for Spiritual Living (formerly Religious Science). I contacted their national office and was informed of the steps I would need to take. Soon after, I began taking classes that would support me on that path. Little did I know that Life had other plans. After the release of the book and CD, I began singing and speaking engagements at New Thought churches in the Dallas-Fort Worth area and beyond.  With the aid of friends, Life lead me to speak and sing at Unity Church of Arlington. They were in the process of searching for a new minister. Not long before my first time there, I heard the words in my mind, “You are going to be their minister.” I passed it off and gave it no attention. After all, I was not a Unity minister. Further, I was going to be a minister with Centers for Spiritual Living, not Unity. Or, so I thought.

After several months of arguing with Life, I agreed to enter into the process of interviews and discussions with the leadership at the church and Unity Worldwide Ministries about the possibilities. It took some time, but Life made a way, and I was honored to be chosen to be the Spiritual Leader at Unity Church of Arlington, now Unity of Arlington, in July 2008. I remained at Unity of Arlington for nearly six years, until Life moved again. 

In the fall of 2013, I received a call from a Neal Berlin at Unity Church of Denver asking if I would be interested in talking with them about interviewing to be the minister/spiritual leader. It was not something I planned or anything I was seeking, yet Life once again moved me. After several months of talks and discussions with leadership at Unity Worldwide Ministries, completing the interview and guest speaking process, I was delighted to be selected and hired for the position. One year later, I am constantly in awe of the ways Life shows up to move me and our community.  

I choose to believe that my decision at age 14 to “give my life to the Lord” and my continued commitment and daily practice of turning my will and my life over to the care of God, as I understand God, are instrumental in my willingness to acknowledge and appreciate the flow of Life as my life has unfolded and continues to unfold.

My reflection has served as a powerful reminder to be present for Life and for what is moving in the moment and, to release, as much as possible, any resistance to or judgment of what is. I may not understand it. It may at times be scary or even painful. Yet, I am reminded that surrender is still the best option. It is a spiritual practice to stop, breathe, relax and trust that Life is unfolding exactly as it is intended. It certainly relieves me of a great deal of stress when I realize that I don’t have to figure it all out. I don’t have to know what’s next. 

When I am surrendered to the flow of Life, the Life of God, in which I “live and move and have my being” (Acts 17:28) I am at ease. I can trust that whatever comes is for my highest good. I can live my life with the understanding and belief that life does not happen to me, but life happens for me. I relax and know that I am in the flow of eternal Good. 

I am grateful to Michael A. Singer for reminding me of this essential truth and for inspiring me to remember my own “surrender experiment.” I am still experimenting one day at a time. So far, I am delightfully pleased with the results.

Please join us on Sunday for our 10:00 service. My dear friend, Melinda Wood Allen, will be sharing the lesson through music and word. Her lesson is entitled, “Making Room for Grace.”  She will also provide a concert at 12:00. You will be blessed by the soul and spirit she shares.