My Soul Desire

Last month at the Unity People’s Convention, I attended a workshop entitled “Ask Me about Unity,” which was created and facilitated by Rev. Lori Boyd, Senior Minister at Unity of Columbia, Missouri. When I registered for the workshop, I thought that I would walk away with a succinct “elevator speech” that I could use anytime someone asked me about Unity. That is not what I got, but I walked away with something much more meaningful.

The workshop was so impactful for me that I could hardly wait to get home and facilitate it at Unity Spiritual Center Denver. This past Saturday, I did just that. I think some of the participants walked into the workshop thinking that they would leave with a 3 x 5 index card with a line-by-line description of what Unity is that they could use when and if someone were to ask them about Unity. I believe that what they received was much richer. I plan to facilitate it again in the near future. Stay tuned!

Rather than instructing on the history or the philosophy of Unity, the workshop invites participants to connect with our personal experience of Unity. The processes and exercises encourage us to answer the question “What is Unity?” from a deep personal connection. Accessing and sharing with another our own personal experience, rather than attempting to educate them, fosters a more meaningful connection. The workshop reminds us that every interaction is unique and that our opportunity in any situation is to be present with and for the other and ourselves.

The first question we are asked to contemplate in the workshop is “What brought you to Unity?” My initial response was the same as it has been for nearly 25 years, “Twelve Steps brought me to Unity.” However, we were then asked to go beyond our initial response to connect with something deeper. When I went deeper, my answer was “My search for a God to whom I was ‘willing to turn my will and my life over to’ brought me to Unity.” Again, we were asked to go even deeper. When I asked within, “What brought you to Unity?” It came to me. “My desire to know God brought me to Unity.”

The second in the series of workshop questions is, “What keeps you coming back.” Again, my answer was “My desire to know God keeps me coming back.” Even as I went deeper with the question, there was nothing more. It is my desire to know God that keeps me coming back over and over and over again.

It has taken me a while to discover that I cannot know God by reading the Bible, nor can I know God through any other book regardless of its author. God is not found in relationships, although they can be experiences that reflect God. God is not found in possessions, although God is not absent from them. God is not found in money, although money can be fun and useful. God is not found in drugs, alcohol, sex, shopping, or any other behavior we may use as an escape or as an empty substitute. God is not found in anything external. God can only be known within the depth of our own consciousness.

After all the reading, studying, praying, meditating, and seeking, I have finally come to realize that God is an experience that can only happen in the moment. We will never know God by seeking God. We will only know God by being present to God now. In every person. In every leaf. In every blade of grass. In every sunrise and sunset. In every exchange we have with another. In every breath. In every heartbeat. The presence of God is all around us when we open our eyes to see it, our hearts to feel it and our minds to embrace it.

My soul desire and my sole desire is to know God. I believe that is true for each of us, even if we are not conscious of it. I encourage us all to make it conscious and to keep that desire foremost in our hearts and minds. When we do, we will know in every moment whether we are allowing that desire to inspire us, or if we are allowing something else to direct our thoughts, words and actions. When we surrender to the desire to know God and allow that desire to unfold in us, as us, we will fulfill all that we are here to be and to do.

The Problem with 'God' - Part 2

At the beginning of summer, we at Unity Spiritual Center Denver began a new practice of having our children come into the sanctuary at the beginning of the service, rather than going directly to their classes as was our prior practice. Following our community greeting song, we invite them to come up onto the platform where we share a blessing. We bless them, and they bless us.

This past Sunday, we added another element. One child, selected prior to the service, is invited to ask me a question. The question this week was, “If God is perfect, and I am an expression of God, then why am I not perfect?” WOW! That could be an entire workshop or class. I did my best to offer my perspective, but given the limited time, I’m sure I did not do it justice. I am sure of this because when I asked if my answer was helpful, the one who asked the question said, “sort of.” I assured him that I would be available to discuss it with him one-to-one at some point if he liked.

After service, as I was walking around speaking to people, I greeted him, his mother and brothers. I took the opportunity to ask him what prompted his question. I thought that knowing why he asked the question might give me a better perspective from which to answer such a thought-provoking question. We talked for a few minutes, but with all the other activity going on around us, it was not the best setting to have the conversation.

When I spoke with his mother, I told her that I believe that our association with ‘God’ forms the foundation for this and similar questions, such as “If God is good, and all is God, then why do bad things happen?” Additionally, I shared that any perspective I could offer in answer to her son’s question would be predicated on exploring in greater depth what he believes about ‘God.’ She agreed and said that she finds it is difficult to find a way to teach children about ‘God’ when the image of God as a man with a white beard sitting up in heaven is the concept which is accepted by many religious traditions and which continues to be promulgated in our culture.

Therein lies the problem with ‘God.’ It is not only difficult to help children learn about God; it is challenging to find ways to talk about God that speak to adults, especially those of us who have been steeped in traditional religion and who are faced with deconstructing a false image of ‘God.’ Nevertheless, deconstructing our conditioned ideas of God is necessary if we are to have a real experience of God. As Byron Katie, the founder of The Work®, says, “You must let go of ‘God’ in order to find God.” Truly knowing God requires us to question what we believe about God and be open to the experience of God everywhere present.

Although I have not been able to find a credible citation for it, I have heard more than one Unity teacher say that Unity cofounder Charles Fillmore said that he wished there was a different word we could use in place of ‘God’ because that word is so charged with misunderstanding and misconception due to millennia of ill-informed use. I concur. I wish there was a word that we could use that would capture the experience of the deep conscious connection with, in, and as the Life/Love/Light from which all arises - in which all has life, and through which all is connected as one. In the absence of such a word, I will continue to use ‘God’ but will qualify it.

After further pondering the question, “If God is perfect, and I am an expression of God, why am I not perfect?” I will share some of my thoughts.

The first entry in the definition of ‘perfect’ in the Merriam-Webster dictionary is, “being entirely without fault or defect, satisfying all requirements, corresponding to an ideal standard or abstract concept.” This is how we most often think of ‘perfect.’ When we think that God is perfect, this is the concept of perfection that comes to mind. And, we think that this is the definition of ‘perfect’ that we must achieve. We tell ourselves that we are to be without fault or defect; that we should be able to do everything and know everything; and, that we must meet someone else’s standard of perfection – appearance, behavior and accomplishment.

There is not one of us who can or will ever realize what it means to be “perfect” by that definition. Further, when we believe in a God that holds us to those standards and judges when we do not achieve them, we will continually believe ourselves to be separate and unworthy. Additionally, we will hold others to those standards of perfection and see them as separate and unworthy when we judge that they are not being “perfect.”

The third entry in the definition in the Merriam-Webster is, “pure, total, lacking in no essential detail.” I would add to that, “whole and complete.” When we think of the perfection of God as the wholeness of all creation, the totality of all that is, including everything and everyone, lacking nothing, yet not complete without everything and everyone, we can better understand what we mean when we say that God is perfect. God is the All, in all, through all, as all. God as Light/Life/Love is the eternal process of expansion and evolution active in the universe. God is not static. There is no ultimate perfect state or behavior that we must achieve. God is complete as all that is.

As expressions of the Allness of God, each of us is uniquely whole and complete as we are. Each of us is perfectly expressing the wholeness that we are in every moment. Our wholeness includes our joys and sorrows; our pleasure and pain; our love and fear; our hopes and dreams; our doubt and faith; our mind and body; and everything else that makes us who we are. Each of us is perfect right where we are. We lack nothing. We only believe we lack when we compare ourselves to others or to an arbitrary standard of appearance, behavior, or accomplishment.

Claiming our perfection does not mean that we do not strive to grow in our understanding of ourselves and our relationship to others and the world around us. As we grow in consciousness of our unity, our thoughts, words and actions will change. However, the change that we wish to encourage is not born from judgement of self and others, but of love for self and others just as we are, right where we are. 

Claiming our perfection is recognizing that we are the wholeness of God, as is everyone and everything else. Embodying our perfection is realizing our connection with all creation as we open to experience our wholeness. Living our perfection is thinking, speaking and acting in ways that reveal our conscious connection with the perfection of all that is.

‘God’ is perfect – whole and complete. You are perfect – whole and complete. Claim it!

The Problem with 'God'

I admit it – I have a problem with ‘God.’ I mean I have a problem with the word ‘God.’ This presents a bit of a dilemma when considering that I recently received the very clear message that I am here to serve God.

Even though I have been studying New Thought philosophy and Truth principles for nearly 25 years, I am still at times uncomfortable using the word. It simulates my embedded theology, which are the associations I have about ‘God’ from my years in traditional Christianity. When I hear the word ‘God,’ it immediately evokes concepts of duality, there is God and there is me. Even though I know that as Jesus said, [God] and I are one, there is something in me that does not quite own that.

When I think that I am here to serve God, I still get images of an external power that exerts control over me. While it is no longer my intellectualized understanding of ‘God,’ my mind conjures images of a being who blesses or curses according to “his” evaluation of good or bad behavior. Everything within me resists serving a willful, capricious deity.

I have thought of rewording my recent revelation. I considered changing “I am here to serve God” to “I am here to serve Creation,” or “I am here to serve Wholeness.” I tried them out, but neither resonates with me. I don’t know why I try! I have learned by experience over the years that it does not pay to mess with a message received from the Inner Knower, as I like to call it.

I find that I am left with the option of either no longer using the word ‘God,’ which doesn’t appear to be a viable option for me, or reconcile my past associations with ‘God’ with my current understanding and experience of ‘God’ as the Light/Life/Love from which all arises, in which all lives, and through which all is interconnected as one.

I am currently immersed in Philip Shepherd’s book Radical Wholeness. In the book, he explores the interconnectedness of all life and our ability to enter into conscious relationship with it by deeply connecting in our bodies. While he expounds on the ills that we have created in our lives - and lives of the planet and all its inhabitants - by being disconnected, he also offers a vision of a world that embodies wholeness. It is a vision of a world in which we recognize that we are part of the whole, and as such we make choices for the good of all, not just in our own self-interest or in the interest of power. In short, Shepherd presents a vision of a world which embodies love.

Shepherd does not use the word ‘God’ to denote this love, or the interconnectedness he refers to as ‘wholeness.’ Instead, he uses phrases, such as “web of life” or “unified field” or “universal intelligence.” Nevertheless, in the ways that he describes his concept of “wholeness,” he has provided me with a deeper understanding of and connection to some of the concepts that we in New Thought associate with our ideas about ‘God.’ For this and many other reasons, I highly recommend this book. I believe that what Shepherd offers in Radical Wholeness has the potential to be life-altering, for us individually, collectively as humanity and for all creation.

Here are some of the ways Shepherd describes “wholeness.” See if you do not see the correlation to how we in New Thought talk about God.

• Wholeness is unity. There is one, not two.
• Wholeness is coherent. It is without division. The harmony of the whole renders it coherent.
• The whole is implicit within each of its parts. Think of the ocean and wave analogy.
• The parts have no existence independent of the whole.
• Wholeness has no boundaries. Think of the description of God as a sphere whose center is everywhere and whose circumference is nowhere.
• The whole expends no effort. Think of the New Thought axiom that God has no volition.
• The whole abides in the Present. God is Omnipresence.
• The whole cannot be known. Objective knowledge cannot contain it or define it. The mind cannot grasps its magnitude.
• The whole can be felt. 

Shepherd outlines many other descriptors of wholeness, all of which could translate perfectly to describe what I believe about and experience of ‘God.’

My intention is to do my best to move through the embedded theology as it arises when I hear or use the word ‘God’ and relate instead to the concepts that Shepherd outlines in his book. Rather than attempting to get rid of the outdated mental images of ‘God’ and create a replacement image, I prefer to breathe into my body, feel the sensations that connect me with the whole, and experience ‘God’ first-hand. In doing that, I believe I am serving God.

I could rewrite my revelation to say something like, “I am here to serve the coherent, boundless, effortless unity which is implicit in all creation yet cannot be understood or named, but can be felt.” But, that would be too cumbersome. I’m sticking with “I am here to serve God.”

Enjoy the Journey!

In my post last week, Serving God, I shared some thoughts about my recent meditation experience in which I received a very clear message – You are here to serve God – and what I have discerned about what that means. I am certainly not claiming to have a clearly defined path that will direct me in that way. I trust that it will continue to reveal itself moment-by-moment as I am open to it.

Even though there is an aspect of me that would welcome the comfort and assurance that might come from having a map to follow, I trust that serving God is a step-by-step process. It happens one thought, word, action and choice at a time.

As I write this I am reminded of an experience I had many years ago when a group from my spiritual community at The Center for Life Enrichment in Dallas spent some time at the Bodhi Manda Zen Center in Jemez Sprigs, NM. The center’s property borders the Jemez River. During one of our leisure times, a group of us decided to take a walk upstream in the river to a small waterfall. The river flows gently there and is no more than waist-deep in most areas, so it was not a dangerous undertaking.

Upon entering the river, I quickly discovered that even though it was not deep, it was at times impossible to see the rocky riverbed. The first few steps resulted in falls either due to losing my footing on the rocks or stepping into a hole. It became clear that navigating this trek up the river would require patience and perseverance.

I learned to take each step deliberately. This did not prevent me from falling into the water a few more times, but each time I got up, took time to regain my balance and secure my footing before taking the next step. It turned out to be a fun adventure. We made it to the waterfall and enjoyed playing in and under it.

Life is like that walk in the river. Each step offers us opportunities to move forward into the unknown as we traverse this path. Even though we may experience a fall or two (or more), we can choose to get back up, regain our balance, find our center, and take the next step. We may not be able to see where the next step will take us, but we can trust that we will be supported with every step we take. And, we can choose to enjoy the journey.

As author and mythologist Joseph Campbell said,

“If you can see your path laid out in front of you step by step, you know it’s not your path. Your own path you make with every step you take. That’s why it’s your path.”

This is how I am choosing to approach the unfolding of the revelation that I am here to serve God. I am taking it one step at a time (actually, one breath at a time). There is no prescribed path. No one has a map. Even if they did it would be futile to attempt to follow it.

I encourage us all to approach life as a fun adventure. Take time every day to consciously connect with the God of our being through contemplation, prayer and meditation. Surrender to the leading of the inner Knower. Trust the still, small voice within that is constantly and consistently guiding us to the unfolding of our highest and best, even when it may not appear so. Practice nonresistance and allow everything to be just as it is, knowing that God is in it all. Rest in the assurance that we don’t have to work so hard. As the master Jesus said, “It is not I, but the [Light/Life/Love] within that is doing the work” (John 14:10).

We simply get to follow along in joyous anticipation of what the next step will bring. Enjoy the journey!

Serving God

Today during my meditation, I received a clear message – You are here to serve God. OK! Got it! Now, what does that mean exactly?

From a purely traditional interpretation of this message it could mean that I am to leave behind life as I have known it, enter the priesthood and declare vows of poverty and chastity. Well, that is not likely to happen. While it might be for another, I don’t think that is what it means for me to serve God.

It could also mean that I am to commit solely to the service of others, denounce my individual needs and desires, and move to a developing country to live with and serve those in greatest need. It could mean that, but I think that, too, would be me grasping for a predictable interpretation of the message.

Some might say that I am serving God because I am a minister. There is some truth to that; however, I prefer the thought that I am serving God as a minister. I recognize that one can be a minister who is licensed or ordained by a religious institution and still not be serving God. I trust that is not entirely true for me. I will elaborate.

While I distinctly heard the word ‘God,’ it did not stimulate in me an image of an external being or power outside of myself exerting control over me as it might have in the past. I felt no resistance to the word or to what it represents. It was immediately clear to me that ‘God’ refers to the Light/Life/Love that is expressing in all, through all, as all. God is the perfect potential and possibility individuated as each expression.

As I sat with the message a little longer, it was revealed that for me to serve God, I first need to honestly and unabashedly acknowledge how God expresses through my body, my mind, my soul, and my unique human incarnation. It became clearer to me how essential it is for me to honor and share my gifts and talents, not from an egocentric perspective, but from a God-centric perspective. Additionally, it is important for me to honor the study and practice I have done over the past decades. Further, I am to respect Light/Life/Love expressing as my body, treat it well, and do whatever I can do to remain strong and healthy so I can be in service through it.

Light/Life/Love expresses itself through me in unique ways. It is not for me to judge it, hide it, or decide that it needs to be different. Even writing this, I am aware of an inner voice that is saying, “Boy, that sure sounds conceited.” It is that voice and other internal voices like it that I often allow to keep me from fully serving God as IT expresses as me.

Serving God means to embrace God expressing as me and share IT joyously without attachment or resistance.

Serving God also means beholding the perfect potential and possibility inherent in all others. This does mean that I serve God simply by repeating the phrase “I behold the Christ in you, or I behold the Christ you are.” It is a beautiful sentiment that I can speak with sincere conviction, but unless I live into it, it is meaningless. Serving God means that I not only behold the Light/Life/Love expressing in all others, but that I also do everything within my sphere of influence to bear witness to it for them and call it forth from them. With everything I am, I am called to serve the God in others. 

Serving God does not mean that I have to renounce or deny my desires or needs. It does mean that I have the opportunity moment-by-moment to connect deeply with the desires and needs of my heart, embrace those that are alignment with the Light/Life/Love living as all creation, and embody them through my thoughts, feelings, words and actions. By living in conscious connection with my heart’s desires, I am living my deepest connection to the God of my being. As I embody that connection, I am serving God in all I think, feel, say and do. And, I am doing my part in bringing the Kin-dom of God upon the Earth.

Even though I have shared this as my personal revelation, I know that it is not only true for me, it is true for everyone. Each of us is a unique and wondrous individuated expression of Light/Life/Love, and each of us has gifts that only we can share. I assert that it is now time for us to stop hiding our light, cease playing small, and boldly accept our gifts in service to God.

Acknowledging our own Light/Life/Love without hesitation or resistance will open us to the recognition and acceptance of the Light/Life/Love living as each other. When we join together to give our gifts and talents in service to God, we encourage and support others in doing the same. When we all shine our Light/Life/Love, the world is illuminated in the glow, and we all assist in bringing into manifestation a new heaven and a new earth as spoken about in Revelation 21. 

As author, spiritual teacher, and now presidential candidate Marianne Williams so eloquently stated in her book, A Return to Love,

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

I encourage us all to acknowledge our brilliance, gorgeousness, talent, and fabulousness and let our light shine. Not from an ego-centric self-serving perspective, but from a God-centric, God-serving perspective. We are all here to serve God – the God within us, within each other, and within all creation.

The Power of Curiosity

I love how my lessons often present themselves in the most unexpected ways and from the unlikeliest people.

Needing to rent a car this past Saturday and not having anyone around to transport me to the car rental location, I arranged for an Uber driver to pick me up at Unity Spiritual Center Denver and drive me there. I have used Uber many times and have had great experiences. This one was no different. It was a pleasant ride in a very nice comfortable vehicle. The only difference was the conversation I had with the driver and what it stimulated for me.

Using the Uber app on my phone, I entered my destination address and confirmed my ride. A few seconds later, a driver responded accepting the fare. Being a thoughtful and careful Uber customer, I looked at his photo, profile and license plate number to ensure that I would not get into someone else’s vehicle.

His profile read, “husband, father and follower of Christ.” My mind immediately went to, “Oh, crap, I hope he’s not an evangelical who wants to have a conversation about religion.” 

Here’s how the conversation went:

Driver: Where are you going?

Me: I’m going to rent a car to drive to Kansas City.

Driver: Oh, what are you doing in Kansas City? I grew up there. (Of course, he did.)

Me: I’m going to a convention.

Driver: What kind of work do you do?

Me: I’m a Unity minister, and I’m going to our annual convention. (In my mind – Uh oh, here it comes.)

Driver: What kind of church is Unity?

Me: Umm, umm, umm…Unity is grounded in Christianity, but from a metaphysical perspective. We are somewhat different from traditional Christianity.

Driver: How so?

Me: Well…we follow the teachings of Jesus. We believe that he was here to teach us how to live. We believe that we are all sons and daughters of God, not just Jesus. We teach that God is within us all.

Driver: That is quite different. So, you don’t believe in Jesus as savior?

Me: (In my mind – How much longer is this ride?) Well, that is a much longer conversation, but in short, not in the traditional sense. I was raised in the Baptist church, so I used to believe that (why did I go there?), but I have a different understanding of it now.

Driver: That’s a big shift. Why did you change.

Me: (Nearing my destination) After studying more about the history of Christianity and of the Bible, I could no longer believe in a judgmental condemning God or much of the traditional interpretations of Scripture. Unity offered me a God of love and acceptance and a deeper understanding of Jesus’ teaching.

Driver: Have a nice trip.

Me: Thank you. Have a great day. (in my mind – thank God that’s over).

I have an idea that he and I could have sat down over coffee and had a more in-depth conversation about this, but there was not time. In hindsight, I wish I had asked him more about what he believes. Because his profile said, “follower of Christ,” I made the bold assumption that he subscribes to a more traditional Christian theology and would be critical of me and Unity philosophy. The truth is, I don’t know that my assumption was correct.

This encounter brought a few things home to me. Many people have expressed in meetings, surveys, classes and one-to-one conversations that they would like to be able to tell someone about Unity in just a few sentences. Obviously, I would like to know that as well. Additionally, I came face-to-face with my own fear around sharing my beliefs with others when I think that they will not agree or will be in judgment of me. So, I am committing myself to (1) moving past my fear of speaking my truth (2) coming from curiosity for myself and others, and (3) either finding or devising a succinct statement about Unity that I can commit to memory.

I have empathy and compassion for myself and others when it comes to the fear of sharing truth with those who do not agree, especially if one’s beliefs are contrary to the prevailing cultural norms. Whether in this lifetime or in past lifetimes, many of us have faced persecution for speaking alternate truths, and history is replete with examples. Jesus’ disciples denied being his followers to protect their lives. Although we know there were more economic reasons, the Europeans’ slaughter of Native people was justified by claiming they were “savages.” Those judged as witches were burned at the stake. Mormons were massacred because of their beliefs. I have wondered whether the early pioneers of the New Thought movement in the United States made the conscious decision to associate the movement with Christianity to avoid similar persecution. Perhaps not, but it would be understandable.

It makes sense that we might be reluctant to share ideas that others could consider to be heretical or blasphemous. In fact, there may be times when it is not safe to share, and it is important for us to honor that. However, those occasions are most likely rare.

In this case, the Uber driver asked the question. My opportunity was to be curious about him and why he was asking the question and to answer him with love and as clearly as I could in the moment. While I did my best at the time, I know that I was reacting from my discomfort, rather than being centered in love for myself and for him. Who knows, perhaps we were brought together so that I could share the message with him. Maybe he went home and researched Unity. Maybe he will come to service on Sunday. I don’t know. It is not mine to know. It is simply mine to be open and honest and speak from love.

This was a powerful reminder of the need to practice self-connection, self-empathy and self-compassion and to meet others with presence and curiosity. Bringing curiosity to every encounter opens the way for deeper understanding of others and ourselves. In this situation, I recognize that I had already decided that I knew who my driver was and what he believed. And, my interaction with him was based on my prejudiced perspective. Even though time did not allow for an in-depth conversation, I trust that we could have enjoyed a more heartful and meaningful connection had I come from a place of loving presence and curiosity.

While I did not express myself in the way I wish I had, I can be curious about what was going on for me at the time; practice empathy, compassion and forgiveness for myself; and set a clear intention to make different choices next time. With consistent practice, I trust that I can and will.

The following is my attempt at a short “elevator speech” describing Unity. I will continue to work on it. I welcome your thoughts and suggestions.

Based on the teachings of Jesus, Unity is a path to empowered living that recognizes the spiritual unity of God, humanity and all creation. Unity encourages everyone to realize their innate power to heal in body, mind and spirit through life-affirming thoughts, words and actions.

P.S. I will be facilitating a workshop called "Ask Me About Unity" in the next couple of months. Stay tuned for more information. 

Be You

This past Saturday, I attended a presentation by internationally acclaimed speaker and intuitive medium, Lee Harris, which was hosted at Unity Spiritual Center Denver. I had not met Lee previously, nor did I know a great deal about his work. Prior to scheduling the event, I perused his website and read some of the endorsements, so I felt comfortable hosting him. However, I had no idea what his two-hour presentation would involve. What I experienced was most likely nothing that Lee could have anticipated. It was certainly nothing that I expected.

Let me say first that I had the opportunity to meet Lee on Friday when he came with his agent to see the space and discuss how they would set up for livestreaming. I experienced him as warm, open and sincere. After having attended the event on Saturday, I genuinely trust his integrity and commitment to helping people through his acceptance, development and sharing of his intuitive gifts. I recommend his book, Energy Speaks, and his other offerings through his website – LeeHarrisEnergy.com – and workshops. I told him and his agent at the close of the evening that we would gladly host him again when it works in Lee’s schedule.

Lee began the evening by sharing his personal journey. He was a sensitive child who was connected to the energy of people and things around him. He felt as though he didn’t belong, which he coped with by eating which resulted in being overweight and being taken to Weight Watchers at a young age. He said that music saved his life in his teens and early twenties. He tried to break into the music business as a singer, but it didn’t work out. He still sings and records his music. He told us about his later thirst for knowledge and experience with self-help books and teachers. He talked about his first awareness of hearing his guides, which he refers to as the Zs. He shared openly about his initial resistance to channeling and his fear of working with people individually. He laughed about how coming out as a channel was as scary as coming out as a gay man. He spoke about how saying ‘yes’ to offers and invitations to speak, teach and lead workshops over the years led him to be where he is today as a renowned speaker,  transformation leader, intuitive medium, and a musical and visual artist.

Unfortunately, I’m not sure that I connected with much that he said following his introduction. I was struck by his story. Much of what he experienced, I also experienced. I was sensitive, overweight, and felt as though I didn’t belong. Music was a saving grace in my life and still is. I read all the self-help and spiritual motivational books I could find. I often still do. I attended as many workshops and retreats as I could manage and afford. He could have been telling my story – except for the part about saying ‘yes’ to the invitations to practice his intuitive gifts and share them with others. I made other choices, some of them involved saying ‘no’ to offers to share.

This is where my lesson began on Saturday. My mind immediately went into coulda-shoulda-woulda mode. I shared about this pattern in my post from March 28. It went something like this…”I coulda been where Lee is now. He is famous and making big money doing this. I shoulda said ‘yes’ to the opportunities I had back then. I woulda been more successful…happier…more fulfilled…whatever.” My small self was free-wheeling. And, I went along for the ride. I was telling myself the story that I had let opportunity pass me by. That I have not fully accepted and used my gifts and talents. That I have failed in some way to fulfill my mission and my calling. I fell into a deep hole of regret. And, I am reluctant to admit that I stayed there for the better part of three days. It’s no coincidence that the number ‘3’ metaphysically represents every level of being – mind, spirit and body. I needed to integrate my lesson on all three levels.

With the help of my prayer partner, Rev. Karen Romestan, and my life coach, Deborah Jane Wells, I was able to remember that the story I was telling as I compared myself to Lee Harris is just that – a story. I cannot know what woulda happened if I had made different choices. I was terrorizing myself with the story I was telling and causing myself to feel fear, stress and regret. I realized that I was telling myself that I am not living up to my calling or my mission, at least not to the extent that Lee is. As I said, my small self was free-wheeling! With help, I was able to come back to sanity and recognize that I am fulfilling my calling to the best of my ability in every moment. I may not be as famous or wealthy as Lee, but that is not truly my deepest desire.

Karen and Deborah also helped me to remember that I am not here to be Lee Harris or anyone other than me. All I have to do is be the best David Howard I can manage to be right here and now. My spirit is, as is everyone’s, a unique and wonderful expression of the One. Each of us is here to embrace who we are and to share it with the world. My mission is to be true to me. Lee’s is to be true to his.  Yours is to be true to yours.

Finally, Deborah also helped me to see that being true to me might just be simpler than I think. It is not particularly helpful to review past decisions and judge ourselves based on the coulda-woulda-shoulda method. There may be things we can learn from our past choices, but judging ourselves for making them is not beneficial. The question to ask is not, “Why I did, or why I didn’t?” The question to ask is “What now?” What decision do I make today that is in alignment with my true nature and who I have come here to be?

The answer to those questions rests within. It requires me to be still, center my attention and awareness in my heart and embrace the knowing of my spirit that abides there. Trust the wisdom of the spirit and know that I have everything I need to fulfill what I am called to do. Also, know that I have the will and the strength to stay the course and live my mission one-choice-at-a-time. I have faith that when we follow the leading of our hearts, we are lead to the highest and best unfolding of who we are in Truth.

I am not Lee Harris. The world doesn’t need another Lee Harris. I am David Howard. The world needs me to be the best David Howard I can be. The same is true for each of us. The world needs us to be who we are and to give of who we are. I encourage us all to embrace our own unique expression of the One, own our gifts without apology, and let that light shine. Just be you. That is enough.