Why Me?

Recently, following a Sunday service, a congregant confided in me that he still grapples with the question, “Why do bad things happen to good people?” I wish I had taken time to inquire further about what had prompted him to share that with me. I am sure that my hasty answer, which was something about how we are the ones who judge what is “good” or “bad” was neither satisfying nor engendering of connection with him. My guess is that he or someone close to him had experienced something “bad” and that he was doing his best to make sense of it.

Interestingly, the very next day, my spouse, J, who I consider to be a “good” person, had a heart attack. Admittedly, I judged that as a “bad” thing. In my mind, it was “bad” because it was a life-threatening situation that jarred and frightened us both. It disturbed our sense of safety and well-being. It disrupted what had become the easy flow of our lives.

After being home from the hospital for a few days, J told me that the thought, “Why me?” had briefly crossed his mind, but he quickly dismissed it. As we talked about it, we were reminded of something that our first New Thought minister, Rev. Dr Kay Hunter, once said. She said that the question, “Why did this happen to me?” puts us in the mindset of the victim. In doing so, we give our power over to the circumstance. Rather than “Why me?” a more empowering question to ask might be, “How will I respond?”, or “What can I learn from this?”

In this or a similar situation, with a clear intention to understand, rather than to stimulate guilt or blame, it could prove helpful to question what past choices might have contributed to this. It might also deepen understanding to inquire about and research lifestyle changes that can better support physical health and well-being.

Further, the belief that things happen to us also places us the role of the victim. We can, instead, approach life as if everything happens for us. It may not appear so at the time from our personality perspective, but if and when we can shift our focus and are persistent in looking for the gift or the “good,” chances are excellent that it will be revealed to us in time.

In addition, it is always important for us to go within and contemplate our level of self-love. It is essential for us to be honest with ourselves about whether we are truly loving ourselves and making choices to take care of ourselves. If we discover that we are not, again without guilt or blame, we can set a clear intention and make conscious choices to do whatever is necessary to love ourselves just as we are, right where we are. We move forward step-by-step one day at a time.

We always begin right where we are. For the most part, questioning why something happened to us is not supportive of moving us forward in a productive way. Instead of, “Why do bad things happen to good people?” a more empowering approach would be “What good can come from this situation?”, or “What choices can I make now to bring forth the good in my life?”

While I would have said that J and I were eating healthfully before the heart attack, we are taking additional steps to change our diet, eliminating salt, most fat, dairy, and adopting a “heart healthy” diet. In addition, I am resuming my regular morning gym workouts which I have been slacking on since the holidays and a bought with a cold. J will be joining me in that as soon as he has recovered enough. Even though I have had no heart issues, I have chosen to join him in this lifestyle change.

I encourage you to check in with yourself. Are you loving yourself enough to care for your body? Are you eating the healthiest food available to you? Are you taking time to rest, relax and rejuvenate? Are you exercising at the level that you are capable? Please make choices today to demonstrate the “good’ for your life from a place of self-love.

At times, we all need encouragement and support in loving ourselves. Please reach out to me if I can do that for you. More than ever before, I am keenly aware of how important it is.

If you would like additional suggestions about loving yourself, please read my blog post Self-Love in Action. You are loved!

P.S. J is doing well. He is being treated with rest, medication, and eventually cardiac rehab. We are hopeful that he will soon be back stronger than ever.