Be The Change

“Be the change you wish to see in the world.”

While there is some debate about whether he said those exact words, the quote above is most often attributed to Mohandas Gandhi, the leader of the nonviolent resistance movement that helped India gain independence from Britain. Regardless of the origin of the quote, it is a powerful axiom for us to take to heart and live.

What is the change you wish to see in the world? I know that most of us have a veritable laundry list of changes we would like to see. While that is true for me, I realize that many of the changes I wish to see in the world are rooted in one foundational change in human consciousness which will affect a positive change in how we relate with each other. This change begins with our commitment to practice empathy and compassion for ourselves and for each other.

Regrettably, our culture has not modeled either. As children, we are not taught empathy. Our parents were not taught empathy. Our teachers were not taught empathy. Our spiritual leaders were not taught empathy. It is no wonder that we did not learn how to practice empathy for others or ourselves. On the contrary, we were told to “suck it up,” “get over it,” “don’t cry or I’ll give you something to cry about,” and we were educated about the impropriety of expressing anger, pain, or even sadness in “polite company.” We learned to not only suppress our feelings, but also to deny them.

As we learned to not have empathy and compassion for ourselves, we learned to not have it for others. We often have sympathy for others, especially when they are hurting or sad. We feel for them; we may even join them in their pain because it can often stimulate our suppressed pain, but that is not empathy. Empathy invites us into a deeper connection with ourselves and others.

Empathy for self begins with an intention to acknowledge, name our feelings, and feel them. Yes, even the ones that we would most like to avoid, such as anger, pain, and shame. Further, empathy asks us to go beneath the feeling to connect with the deeply held value or longing that is related to the feeling.

For example, in this moment I am feeling concerned when I think about the divisiveness surrounding the upcoming election. I can breathe into the feeling, feel where it resides in my body, and inquire about what I am longing for but not witnessing. As I connect with myself, I know that I value harmony, unity, and kindness. From my perspective, the outer does not reflect those deeply held values. I take time to honor those values and make a commitment to myself to embody them more fully in my thoughts, words, and actions.

Empathy for others works in much the same way. I cannot know what another is feeling or what they value unless they are willing and available to share with me; however, I can, when I am centered and connected in empathy and compassion for myself, open my heart and become curious.

For example, when one has a flushed face, is speaking at a volume louder than would normally be spoken, and interrupting another in a conversation, I might guess that he or she is feeling afraid. In the face of fear, fighting is one of the normal human reactions. As I connect with fear, I realize that it often arises when we believe that our need for safety and security are being threatened. I know that I have felt that at times as well. In that connection with our shared humanity, I can give myself empathy and compassion for the feelings that the fearful behavior has stimulated for me and I can extend compassion to the other.

This is in no way meant to imply that we need to agree with another, condone their behavior, or support their agenda. As Oren Jay Sofer, author of Say What You Mean, said during a webinar that Unity Spiritual Center Denver co-sponsored in June,

“I can use all of my life energy to try to prevent you from doing the things I do not agree with, but that does not mean that I have to close my heart to you.”

Empathy and compassion are expressions of an open heart.

When our hearts are open to each other, we connect beyond any labels that we assign to ourselves or to others. In the heart of empathy and compassion there is no race, no gender, no political party, no sexual orientation, no religion, no gender identity, no nationality, no socio-economic status. There is nothing but oneness. When we can recognize the value and worth of each human being and connect with our shared humanity, we will begin to manifest a world in which we do our best to meet basic needs of all people, celebrate our differences, and show respect and care for the Earth and our environment. We will truly know and express the meaning of the word Unity.

I know that it is up to me to “Be the change I wish to see in the world.” If I want to see a world that embodies empathy and compassion, I must embody empathy and compassion - even, and maybe especially when I do not feel like it. I must set a clear intention and make a sincere commitment to practice empathy and compassion for myself and for all others, especially for those with whom I disagree the strongest.

I invite us all to take time to consider what change we wish to see in the world and to make the commitment to ourselves and to the world. BE IT!