The Voices Within

Lately, I have been feeling a low level of anxiety. I am sure I am not alone in that. I have attributed it to all the uncertainty with which we are all living at this unprecedented time in our history. I don’t doubt that the issues surrounding COVID-19 play a role in our anxiousness.

However, while praying with my prayer partner today, I became consciously aware of a voice in my head that has become my constant companion. In this book, The Untethered Soul, author Michael Singer refers to this voice as the “inner roommate.”

He constantly urges me to do more, be more, give more and have more. He continually reminds me of all the things I “have” to do or “should” be doing. While I trust that he is well-meaning and only has my best interest at heart, he is quite annoying at times.

His constant reminders of the tasks I must complete do little to inspire me to do my best. If anything, they spur me to joylessly accomplish what I am doing so that I can move on to what’s next. His attempts at motivation, while seemingly rational, are not helpful.

His efforts to encourage me to improve my skills and expand my knowledge through his not-so-subtle critiques, only stir resentment and resistance in me. They certainly do not promote a desire to learn and grow.

His incessant commentary on everything I do and on everything I don’t do not only stimulates anxiety, but also triggers my defenses which often show up in me shutting down, hiding out or escaping through excessively watching television, overeating, or other avoidance strategies.

I am guessing that I am not the only one who deals with this “inner roommate” on a daily basis, especially during this time when many of us are staying at home and spending more time alone.

It has been suggested that there are several ways to deal with him. I can choose to laugh at his ridiculous antics. I can greet him with sarcasm with retorts such as, “Yeah, you’re right. I am a slacker. Get over it.” I can respond with direct defense and say, “Shut the hell up. I don’t need your input.” I have tried all of these. I haven’t found them to be very helpful, however.

Instead, I have found it helpful to allow him to have his voice. The following practice has proved beneficial. I offer it here in hopes that it will help you, as well.

Position two chairs facing each other. Sit in one of the chairs. Imagine that the “inner roommate” is sitting in the other. Engage him in conversation. With as much detachment as you can muster, listen intently to what he has to say. Listen beyond the words to hear the feelings that lie beneath. Lean into what he might be trying to achieve through his incessant chatter. Give him as much empathy as possible just as you would a cherished friend. Once you feel complete and have a sense of relaxation, say, “Thank you. I appreciate you. I will take what you have shared with me and use it for good,” or something similar.

Empathy, compassion and understanding for our “inner roommate” helps to soothe him. It also helps us to connect with some of the deeper longings within us that we might have been ignoring.

I have found that this “inner roommate” truly does have my best interest at heart. He just doesn’t know the most effective ways to communicate his care and concern. I have to listen more deeply for what he is trying to convey.

It is also important for me to remember that I have another “inner roommate.” He speaks in a still, small voice that can often be drowned out by the other one. This other “inner roommate” is the voice of Spirit that speaks in my heart, not in my head. I trust that this voice is constantly guiding me to the highest and best unfolding of my soul.

Even though I may, at times, not understand it, and even though, at times, I may argue with it, I know that this voice is my constant friend and companion. It lives within my heart and speaks to me of love.

I have learned that I can use the practice outlined above to communicate more directly with this voice, as well. It helps to personify these voices, assume the seat of the witnessing presence, and hear their deepest desires.

We are all blessed by these “inner roommates.” While it may be tempting to think of one as “bad” and the other as “good,” I have not found that approach to be helpful. Each of them has something valuable to contribute to our lives if we are willing to connect and listen.

Today, as I listened through my anxiety to my “inner roommate,” I discovered a deep longing to make a meaningful contribution to my spiritual community and to the world. While not in the most helpful ways, my “inner roommate” was doing what he believed would support me. He was only sharing from what he knew to do. As I connected empathically and compassionately with him, I felt my anxiety relax. I was then more open to connecting deeply with the voice of Spirit in my heart and open to the guidance I received. This post is one of the outcomes.

The next time you feel anxious, I encourage you to recognize that your “inner roommate” is doing its best to communicate with you. When you can, stop. Connect. Assume the posture of the witnessing presence. Listen with empathy and compassion. Receive the gift.