Are You God Enough?

Are You God Enough?

No, that is not a typo. I did not mean to title this post “Are You Good Enough?” The message and the title became clear to me this week as I was composing a post about my upcoming ordination.

Yes, on Sunday, January 15, 2017, I will be officially ordained a Unity minister. I can hardly believe it myself. It has been a vision and a goal for many years. I knew it would happen someday, I just didn't know until recently that it could or would be now.

I received my approval from the Unity Worldwide Ministries credentialing committee last September. I have had several months to develop and plan for the ordination ceremony, but I gave very little time, attention or thought to it until last week.

Last Monday it hit me: This is happening and it is happening in less than two weeks! This is a big deal in my life. I have not been honoring it. I have been discounting its importance. Why?

I told myself that I have been busy and focused on other things. After all, I am already doing the work of a minister, and I had Sunday, Wednesday, Christmas and New Year’s services to plan and facilitate. I was busy doing God’s work! Who had time to focus on an ordination service? In the depth of self-honesty, I know that I had time, I just chose not to devote time to it. When I realized that, I wondered why.

Last week during a time of quiet contemplation and introspection, I recognized the importance of this event. This is a rite of passage in my life, and one that I do not wish to take lightly. Since then, I have had several opportunities to speak with others about my ordination. I found that I could not talk about it without sobbing.

Even today, as I began writing this post, tears welled up and I cried even more. I was curious about the tears. I wanted to truly connect with the emotion behind them, so I stopped and allowed myself to go with the feelings and surrender to them.

They were not tears of joy. They were not tears of sadness. As I allowed myself to be present, it came to me. They were tears of shame. REALLY, SHAME?! I will not include in this post the other thoughts that went through my mind at that recognition. Suffice it to say that the blog would have to receive at least an ‘R’ rating by the parental rating board should I include those thoughts. After sobbing once again at the recognition that indeed it was shame rearing its ugly head, I was able to acknowledge it.

Yes, the tears were tears of shame. Somehow, on some level, I have continued the belief that I am not worthy of receiving the recognition as an ordained Unity minister. Damn! I thought I had dealt with all of that.

Journaling has been and continues to be a beneficial spiritual practice, so I decided to spend time writing. When I began to write about it, I intended to begin with the question, “Why do I believe I am not good enough?” I was using my iPad and keyboard which I love because of the spellcheck function. The program automatically checks for misspelled words and when it finds them, it automatically chooses words that are a close match. When I looked back at what I had written, it said, “Why do I believe I am not God enough?”  I often feel frustration with spellcheck, but in that moment it proved to be a greater blessing than I could have imagined.

Indeed, who am I or any one of us to believe that we are not God enough? The master teacher Jesus reminded us that “you, too are Gods” (John 10:34)? He also said, “I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you” (John 14:20).

Great teachers of ancient wisdom have all taught us that we are One. We are in Unity with God. We are in Oneness as God. Yet, in our humanness we have not yet accepted that truth.

The traditional Christian church has done a great deal to convince us that we are anything but that. Who we are, so they have told us, is not God enough, not God enough to deserve our good. Unfortunately for many, this belief is reinforced by our families, schools and society.

This belief not only prevents us from receiving our good, it also sets us up to seek our worthiness outside ourselves, often in ways that are damaging to our mental, spiritual and physical well-being. It also drives us to medicate our pain in ways that are often self-destructive.

I know from personal experience about seeking love, appreciation and approval from external sources. I know, too, from personal experience about engaging in self-destructive behaviors in order to mitigate the pain stimulated from the belief that I am not God Enough.

It is staggering to consider the pain that shame can cause us individually as well as the damage it can create in the world as a whole.

I am so grateful that my search for God led me to Unity in 1994. The message I heard from the platform the first day I walked into a service was, "You are as God created you, and God loves you just as you are." That message changed my life. 

I could not have imagined then that my path would lead me to become an ordained Unity minister. I celebrate everything and everyone who has supported me along this journey. And, I celebrate myself for being willing to say 'Yes, here I am; use me."

So, will I allow shame to prevent me from accepting my ordination with a grateful, and open, heart and mind? NO! I refuse to allow shame to keep me from experiencing my good. I am willing to face shame head on, name it, and rise above it, just as David did in the battle with Goliath.

Goliath was the giant with great strength who put fear into the hearts of men, yet little David was able to slay him with a slingshot and a stone. I am David. Yes, like David of the Bible, I am a perfectly imperfect vulnerable human being. I often fall short of my intention to live my highest values, yet my heart is sincere and I am committed to my mission.

My mission is to support humanity’s awakening to

and expressing of the transforming power of Love.

With determination and focused thoughts, words, and actions that support my knowing of who I truly am, I can do battle with shame. And win. It begins with loving myself right where I am, just as I am, and knowing that I am God Enough!

On Sunday when I receive my ordination certificate, stole and blessing, I may express tears, but they will not be tears of shame. They will be tears of joy. They will be tears of celebration for all that has gone in to this moment – by me and so many others. They will be tears of recognition that I am indeed God Enough. I will take that mantle of Unity minister and do my best to help others know that they too are God Enough. As we know and claim the Truth that we are God Enough, we are set free (John 8:32) to be the fullest expression of God that we are intended to be. We are all ministers to each other, to the world and to ourselves. Yes, you are God Enough!

Join us on Sunday at 10:00. Our service will include great music from Lauren Shealy, Sheryl Renee, Marcy Baruch and J Johnson. Rev. Scott Schell will officiate my ordination during the service. If you are in the Denver area, please come and share your positive, loving energy with me on this very special day. If you are not in the area, I welcome your prayers, thoughts and positive vibrations on Sunday from wherever you are.